remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Couch. On fire.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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