he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
