my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
