i don't like sucking hair
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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