All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
