So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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