I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
