my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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