life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize