his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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