I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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