I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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