I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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