everyone is single if you try hard enough
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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