I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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