The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
