if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Quick, to the slutcave!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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