Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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