there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
try to milk me bitch
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
