Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just threw up on my dentist
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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