I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
