I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
