Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
