just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
