Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
