If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm passing your future prison.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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