Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
