I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
