new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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