yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
