By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
