Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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