It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
