if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg