Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  wake up i wanna do it froggy style

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  (203): wake up i wanna do it froggy style http://tfl.nu/zmqx
  Replies (18) Good night (3047) Bad night (605)
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  (516): View more from New York

  so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.

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  (516): so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool. http://tfl.nu/00u1
  Replies (25) Good night (1429) Bad night (5257)
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  (805): View more from California

  why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??

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  (805): why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego?? http://tfl.nu/9r13
  Replies (57) Good night (586) Bad night (3066)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

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  (603): Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror. http://tfl.nu/is4s
  Replies (25) Good night (8376) Bad night (1308)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.

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  (205): Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi. http://tfl.nu/x4zy
  Replies (43) Good night (1652) Bad night (4059)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She brought up feelings... her days are numbered

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  (704): She brought up feelings... her days are numbered http://tfl.nu/9lng
  Replies (19) Good night (1714) Bad night (5256)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.

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  (678): You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works. http://tfl.nu/of7z
  Replies (14) Good night (1020) Bad night (5730)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas

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  (907): the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas http://tfl.nu/bksv
  Replies (42) Good night (4701) Bad night (935)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'

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  (503): some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?' http://tfl.nu/rnao
  Replies (12) Good night (3860) Bad night (1067)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.

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  (314): I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though. http://tfl.nu/qm3u
  Replies (18) Good night (5780) Bad night (1820)
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  (805): View more from California

  I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard

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  (805): I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard http://tfl.nu/np0a
  Replies (5) Good night (978) Bad night (1916)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

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  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (14) Good night (8252) Bad night (937)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.

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  (603): If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines. http://tfl.nu/3y2e
  Replies (22) Good night (2696) Bad night (625)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES

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  (262): PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES http://tfl.nu/1xjy
  Replies (6) Good night (1078) Bad night (378)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.

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  (480): I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified. http://tfl.nu/m5g1
  Replies (2) Good night (294) Bad night (506)

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