no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
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Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.