Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.