Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
