Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night

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  (248): God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night http://tfl.nu/0w8x
  Replies (4) Good night (971) Bad night (481)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  so you masturbated because Oprah told you?

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  (603): so you masturbated because Oprah told you? http://tfl.nu/qr8j
  Replies (11) Good night (3382) Bad night (1167)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.

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  (732): When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest. http://tfl.nu/kqsj
  Replies (29) Good night (636) Bad night (5195)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  what did gay clubs do before lady gaga

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  (512): what did gay clubs do before lady gaga http://tfl.nu/x7iq
  Replies (34) Good night (5777) Bad night (880)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.

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  (631): I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week. http://tfl.nu/88zi
  Replies (14) Good night (727) Bad night (2886)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?

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  (702): As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation? http://tfl.nu/6nb1
  Replies (16) Good night (7130) Bad night (1235)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight

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  (303): I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight http://tfl.nu/nfvu
  Replies (50) Good night (13058) Bad night (1497)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth

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  (541): You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth http://tfl.nu/plwz
  Replies (47) Good night (1259) Bad night (5690)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers

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  (615): i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers http://tfl.nu/7wrv
  Replies (5) Good night (3100) Bad night (792)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....

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  (250): So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too..... http://tfl.nu/p12c
  Replies (2) Good night (866) Bad night (482)
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  (408): View more from California

  Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.

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  (408): Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware. http://tfl.nu/gy46
  Replies (1) Good night (521) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall

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  (860): I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall http://tfl.nu/remv
  Replies (8) Good night (772) Bad night (391)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager

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  (705): I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager http://tfl.nu/uera
  Replies (2) Good night (473) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it

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  (612): I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it http://tfl.nu/0efz
  Replies (0) Good night (610) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.

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  (208): When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all. http://tfl.nu/wlj1
  Replies (5) Good night (758) Bad night (225)

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