A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yea but for you.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.