No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
