i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.