I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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