and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
