i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
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Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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