What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
