Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
