Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
