you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
