how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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