Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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