FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
