We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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