so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
