Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
