I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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