Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
