Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
