if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
