did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
