: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
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I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
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If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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