dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
