I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
