I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
