I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
