my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i now understand why vodka
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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