You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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