My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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