He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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