my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
