I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
