I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
