Me. At least after what I've been through.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
