Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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