I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize