i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
