he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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