i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
